May 17, 2021 our whole world shattered. I was in my third trimester, 29 weeks and 5 days, and our baby didn’t have a heartbeat.
May 18, 2021 we gave birth to our heavenly angel son, Justice Strong. It’s taken me awhile to share the loss of our son and the heartbreak we’ve been going through. I just don’t know how to navigate through the pain and suffering, shock, anger, and confusing mix of competing emotions.
Giving birth to a lifeless baby is something no mother or father should ever go through. We cried and prayed so hard for a miracle. That didn’t happen. Instead, we received God’s peace when life didn’t make sense. Comfort in our heartbreaking reality. Strength to endure the single most painful and hardest delivery. It was a nightmare, but I can’t express how beautiful it was to carry Justice Strong for those 7 months and deliver him with all the other angel babies to our Heavenly Father. His entire birth was covered with God’s strength and angels to literally carry us through those 24hrs.
Despite the loss of our son, we’ve been overwhelmed by the outpour of love, prayers, and support during this time. We are appreciative for those who have reached out in every way. Know it has brought us comfort. I’ve realized navigating life is a lot more difficult and awkward, and at times I feel embarrassed or ashamed. So if you don’t know how to talk to us or approach us, the best thing that helps is
Giving us a big hug and saying I’m sorry. Grief and loss is hard and confusing and so different for everyone, but acknowledging Justice brings us healing.
I want to share in the midst of pain and brokenness, God is with us, holding every tear, and loves us so much. I am still very much learning how to allow God to heal us. It’s a battle to trust in His goodness despite our circumstances. It’s a practice of finding perspective in a place of loss and seeing the blessings we do have. I don’t know how or when God will turn our pain into purpose, I didn’t even want to hear that in the beginning. But, I want to start opening my heart towards it. I want to say it’s ok to not be ok all the time. That there are better days and hard days. I’m sure I nwill slowly share more of this journey. I am still taking baby steps, but this is letting go of Justice’s death, and allowing God to bring life and light back into our life. This is my hope where my heart broke.