Happy Christmas!

I knew this season would role around, but wow was I hit hard with how much I miss our Justice. It’s been one of the craziest, busiest seasons that I barely stopped. Great things. Passing grad school finals, Halloween, celebrated a 30th, Josh’s 34th, a 3rd birthday, 2 weddings, a much needed family vacation, and even a career change (a story for another time). it’s been a lot. But thanks to covid, we were forced to sit with every emotion, feeling, sickness. At first, we were just physically trying to get by. Now that I’ve gained my energy back, I’ve been dwelling on some things.

Lots of things to be grateful for, I have to recognize everyday. But, the void of our son, still sits there, still aches, still tugs emotions out of me. I can’t believe you’d be seven months old. We’d be celebrating our first Christmas of four together. I can’t help feeling robbed, but then I’m reminded how real our love is. How very much you are my second son, still apart of our lives. There have been a lot of heavy moments, and then God shines his light and sends someone to encourage me, thinking of justice. As much as I know there is so much hope and Jesus is so good and the savior for all our problems, it still takes choosing Him. It takes looking to Him to fill my void. This advent season, one of the biggest themes that stood out to me, was faith, peace, and joy. There’s been a lot of memories I’ve needed to store up in my heart, for when the tough days come, God gives me the strength to hold on to my faith and endure. It’s reminding myself of God’s faithfulness in our life, his goodness, his love is still all we need. His peace has been a result of complete dependence and surrender in Jesus. I’ve looked to many people that have been my strength, but this season Jesus has been showing me, He is all I need to feel whole again. His peace, slows me down, opens my eyes to all the blessings in our life. There’s a lot of things that can steal our joy, but it’s been a practice of choosing joy. All things these characteristics of Jesus has helped me in this season. It doesn’t replace you my love, it helps me cherish you. To know I don’t need anyone to validate our love and bond as mother and son, is so powerful. To know Jesus has given us all the perfect gift to be with all our lives ones again, brings me so much peace and hope. My heart is with all those who too are having a difficult holiday season. May our love bring us comfort and be our reminders to choose Joy 🤎