Dry bones coming alive.

I’ve been getting a lot of how are you doing? To put it short, okay.

In long, okay means learning joy and sadness coexist.

Okay means, constantly surrendering control in fears of getting hurt again, but also realizing there are so many burdens and hardships we are never meant to carry alone.

We like to share our beginnings or accomplishments. I remember asking how in the world do people overcome such loss. I’m realizing there is no arrival in grief, just acceptance and figuring out how to function. So this is me still figuring it out. Sometimes celebrating, sometimes crying, with the Lord constantly by my side reminding me to, “Lay your burdens down, I will be all you need.”

The 18th has rolled around again. Which means it’s been 4 months since you’ve been born into heaven. I would have a four month old. I would probably be transitioning back to work from Maternity leave. I would have been breastfeeding. I would have two babies to suck up all my energy, but I would have loved every second of all the sleepless nights, because I would be filled holding my babies so close.

But four months have rolled around, and I can’t believe the physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental changes my life has gone through.

I am four months postpartum. I remember looking at my body, so betrayed, so disgusted, so angry, so frustrated. You accept all the uncomfortable changes and pains your body goes through during pregnancy and child birth because the rewards of having your baby in your arms is like no gift you’d ever receive or can fathom. I am not dismissing my blessing and first child I still have, but this is my reality of accepting my Justice is not here for me hold.

Instead, I had an empty womb, engorged breast full of milk, and baby fat with no baby. You feel robbed.

Move slower, dwell deeper

Never underestimate the power of praise and gratitude…ordained strength

Patience is building capacity You get bigger by doing something bigger.