To my sweet angel baby Justice Strong Duhaylonsod. We named you before we knew the life and legacy you would leave with us. Your daddy named you Justice, so you would live a life bringing just that. I named you Strong because God told me I would need to hold onto His strength this year not knowing the loss we’d face, but I knew you would give me and everyone around your strength for tomorrow. I’ve battled how unfair and weak I’ve felt losing you. But, I’m done feeling small and broken. I promise I will keep diving deeper and taking bigger steps of faith to bring meaning to your little life. I will forever cherish the 7 months I carried you inside me, and the 12 beautiful hours we held you in our arms. Your mommy, daddy, and big brother love and miss you so much everyday. We promise this won’t brake us, and we will live up to your beautiful name.

I can’t believe it’s been a month since we celebrated you on your special due date at our favorite place in the ocean. This is the place we celebrate, we gather, we surf, we play, we eat, we dream, and even better now WITH you. God created the most beautiful sunset in your honor, and I will never forget how perfect it felt celebrating just how much you will always mean to us all. We know you are so perfect and peaceful in heaven, living it up like a king. You give me strength and perspective heaven is near, and peace when the waves of sadness hit. I know moving forward is not forgetting you, instead trusting God to lead us into a bigger and more meaningful life with you. We’ll be home soon my angel love.

Forever your mama 💗       

May 17, 2021 our whole world shattered. I was in my third trimester, 29 weeks and 5 days, and our baby didn’t have a heartbeat.

May 18, 2021 we gave birth to our heavenly angel son, Justice Strong. It’s taken me awhile to share the loss of our son and the heartbreak we’ve been going through. I don’t know how to navigate through the shock, pain, anxiety, anger, and confusing mix of competing emotions.

Giving birth to a lifeless baby is something no mother or father should ever go through. We cried and prayed so hard for a miracle. That didn’t happen. Instead, we received God’s peace when life didn’t make sense. Comfort in our heartbreaking reality. Strength to endure the single most painful and hardest delivery. It was a nightmare, but I can’t express how beautiful it was to carry Justice Strong for those 7 months and deliver him with all the other angel babies to our Heavenly Father.

Despite the loss of our son, we’ve been overwhelmed by the outpour of love, prayers, and support during this time. We are appreciative for those who have reached out in every way. Know it has brought us comfort. I’ve realized navigating life is a lot more difficult and awkward, and at times I feel embarrassed and anxious. So if you don’t know how to talk to us or approach us, the best thing that helps is

Giving us a big hug and saying I’m sorry. Grief and loss is hard and confusing and so different for everyone, but acknowledging Justice brings us healing.

I want to share in the midst of pain and brokenness, God is with us, and loves us so much. I am still learning how to allow God to heal us. It’s a battle to trust in His goodness despite our circumstances. It’s a practice of finding perspective in a place of loss and seeing the blessings we do have. I don’t know how God will turn our pain into purpose, I didn’t even want to hear that in the beginning, but I have hope again. I want to say it’s ok to not be ok all the time. That there are better days and hard days. I’m sure I will slowly share more of this journey. I am still taking baby steps, but this is letting go of Justice’s death, and allowing God to bring life and light back into our life and hopefully others ❤️‍🩹

I’ll be your lighthouse when your lost at sea. I will illuminate your path when you can’t see.